Ian has just gone off for his first hockey game of his new season. He’s pretty tired, but he loves to play so that gives him the incentive to get out there. The last few days have been rough on him all around, what with having to worry about his wife and Olivia’s well-being. The baby and I are fine, if a little on the rundown side.
We went to Chattanooga so we could attend Amy and Garrett’s engagement party. I’m so, so happy for them and it was a great party. There was plenty of good food, good cheer, and well-wishes for the happy couple. Nobody deserves it more. I did end up sleeping through the last half of the evening. I really wanted to be awake for the whole thing, but there wasn’t enough steam left in me. I’m just happy everyone had a wonderful time and that Amy and Garrett got to celebrate in high style. Hopefully, with all the technologically minded people in attendance there will be plenty of pictures so I can see what I missed out on (I did not miss out on the food. Nor the dessert).
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m so excited to be having Olivia and I just can’t wait to meet her. My heart goes nuts when I think that I’m finally going to get to see and hold her in about three months. All the stuff I’m going through, the swollen legs and arms, the painfully stretched abdomen, the neverending fatigue, the sleepless nights, the tired days, the trips to the hospital and the accompanying terror… all of it is worth it for this little human Ian and I have fashioned from ourselves.
That doesn’t make the experience easier, though. It doesn’t mean the intense nausea at 3 AM is enjoyable. It doesn’t make my head clearer at work after a long sleepless night. It doesn’t shrink the grocery store so I can actually run errands before running out of steam. It doesn’t give me energy to enjoy shopping for my little girl like I really want to. It doesn’t make my legs or back stop aching by midday. It doesn’t make the chair I sleep in at night because of indigestion any more comfortable nor does it keep me from missing sleeping next to Ian. It doesn’t balance my hormonal mood swings, stop my crying jags, or keep me from snapping at my husband and loved ones when I’m particularly frazzled. It doesn’t prevent the headaches or heartburn. It doesn’t do any of those things. The truth is nothing can.
But I get to have a daughter with the man I love. I get Olivia and she’s worth all of it and more.